Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
