wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize