Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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