That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
