Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
