the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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