Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have already put on my inside pants.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
