Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
