Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
