Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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