We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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