CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
