Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
