My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
