Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
