Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize