he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
