Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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