This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize