My friends, they love my intelligence
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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