How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This house was built for laser tag.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
