he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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