I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize