Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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