stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
