you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize