And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
