I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
is that a dick in a sweater?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
