What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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