just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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