I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
