Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
