Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
