someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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