Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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