I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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