I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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