i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
