omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
