Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
