i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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