so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
