Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
