Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
