Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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