So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
