I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize