I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
