Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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