I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
His nipple licking is glorious
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