Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
