theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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