I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dicks are not precious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
