Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
