i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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