Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
