just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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