Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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