Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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