Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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