Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
