He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
