We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
