I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize