My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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