I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
