It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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