Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i have herpe
just one?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
