Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
