one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
