ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
