billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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