We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
