We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
