i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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