Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
