She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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