last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
