Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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