My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize