yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
