they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize